Category: Parenting

9 Tips for a Productive School Year

by Yoni Sobin, PsyD

The beginning of the school year brings many challenges for children and parents alike. Perhaps most of all is the challenge of staying on top of all the tasks that need to get done! For some, staying productive may feel overwhelming, for others it may seem impossible – we stay on top of things for a few days, a week or two, maybe close to a month, yet eventually we find ourselves falling behind and overwhelmed once more. These tips can help make this coming school year your most productive one yet:

  1. Consistency

Humans work well with schedules. Wake up, brush teeth, eat, work, come home, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat. Performing a behavior consistently daily for a month is usually enough to set a habit. One great trick is to make sure you start the day with a consistent routine. For example, make your bed every morning. Starting every day with a small accomplishment sets you up to feel productive and ready to tackle the day’s challenges.

  1. Set one alarm (at most)

Alarms, especially multiple alarms, interfere with our circadian rhythm. So, at most set just one for the (actual) time you need to get up, and try not to snooze it. Even better, set a bedtime 7.5-8.5 hours before you need to get up, and let yourself wake up sans an alarm. If you get to bed on time and live somewhere with natural light in the mornings, let that be your alarm clock. By helping your body to learn to sleep when it’s dark and awaken when it’s light, you’ll maximize your productivity throughout each day.

  1. Delay morning phone/email use

This helps you to focus on priorities – getting kids out of the house, getting to work on time, and eating breakfast. It reduces your level of overall stress. Your most pressing needs in the morning are the immediate proximal stressors in your environment. Check the time, clean yourself up, and eat. Distal stressors can usually wait 20 minutes until you are more alert. No need to add stress the moment you wake up. Relatedly…

  1. Disable push notifications

Even when we quickly check a message notification without responding, it can take up to 10 minutes to reorient to another task. All that distracted time adds up throughout the day. Unless your job requires it, disable notifications for all social media, and any other distractions that are not essential to the day. Then, set aside time each day to allow yourself to govern your social media, instead of letting it govern you.

  1. Buy a planner / notebook

When were you last able to remember everything to do in one day without writing something down? Well, that’s because our brain is not designed to remember lists of tasks. Numerous studies have shown we can hold in mind a maximum of 7±2 units of information at a time. The solution is to get something simple;a weekly planner with a monthly page for long term planning should suffice. Use only one planner and stick to it, and get into the habit (see item 1) of looking at that planner several times daily and adding to it ANYTHING that needs doing. A task that is not completed must carry over to the next day.

  1. One planner only

One planner means one place to look and find out what you need to accomplish. With Google, Outlook, Slack, sticky notes, and more, we get overwhelmed trying to keep it all together. Consolidate everything in one place. Studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of a handwritten planner over digital tasks. The simple aspect of writing down tasks makes you remember them better. Digital means distraction.

  1. Break it down

It helps to break tasks down into manageable pieces. Manageable goals leave you satisfied and accomplished; overly optimistic goals result in feeling overwhelmed and procrastination, furthering a cycle of feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and being unproductive. When you finish a task, cross it off the list, physically, and then smile J The act of removing it from the list and rejoicing in small accomplishments serves to reinforce further completion of tasks.

  1. Ask for help

Do not be afraid to ask for help. If you do not like asking for help from other people, get help from digital aides like StayFocusd and Boomerang for Gmail. StayFocusd lets you choose how much time you will let yourself spend on distraction websites; once you have hit that cap, the application will block further access to your distraction website. Boomerang for Gmail helps keep your inbox clean, allowing you to “boomerang” messages you do not need to deal with now, and schedule them to return days, hours, or even weeks later when they are more important or pressing. You can also schedule messages to send later, helpful for night owls or for dealing with something in advance you worry you might forget about.

  1. Batch tasks to be more productive

When planning your day, batch similar tasks together. For example, don’t make a phone call, then answer an email, then eat lunch, then deal with 2 other phone calls. Plan to make all 3 phone calls together, then deal with emails, then eat lunch as a reward. This will help you stay further focused.

Stress-free living may not be possible, especially in this ever-changing, ever-complicated era of history. But by employing these 9 tips you will certainly find yourself more productive and relaxed. Try it for a month…

Five Rules for Giving Instructions that Children Will Obey

Written by Jacquelyn Blocher

Previous blog posts have addressed several strategies to decrease your child’s problem behaviors, from being consistent with discipline (link) to the power of praise and attending to positive behaviors (links). Learning to give attention to the behaviors you like and minimizing attention for behaviors you don’t like can solve most of your child’s minor behavioral problems. There are some instances though when you need to tell your child to do something that cannot be ignored.

All too often though, many parents find themselves at a bit of a loss for how to best tell their child to do something that really needs to be done. The same instructions are repeated more than once. Negotiating or bending the previously enforced rules becomes the norm. Frustrations increase as children whine, stall, or plead in response to parental commands or limit setting.

So why has giving effective directions to your child become something that is so challenging? Often, parents and their children have fallen into a pattern in which their words no longer carry the same meaning they were intended to have. This happens when a parent does not consistently follow through on what he or she says, and over time the child learns that he does not always have to do what he is told. Bottom line, as with other parenting techniques, consistency is crucial. If you say it, mean it, and show your child you mean it by always following through. If you don’t have time to be consistent or follow through, avoid giving instructions, and in turn avoid teaching your child that they do not have to do what you say.

Are you ready to consistently follow through on your instructions? To increase the likelihood that your child will do what you tell him to, follow these five rules below. While they may seem simple, it takes practice and consistency for them to work effectively.

  1. Your statement of instruction should make it clear that your child is being told to do something, and she/he is the one expected to do it. For example, imagine that you have just finished coloring pictures with your daughter. She needs to put away the crayons from the table so there is room for you and your family to eat dinner. An effective command in this situation would be, “Sarah, please put the crayons back in the drawer.” This is a direct statement in which you told her exactly what you expected her to do. Avoid instructions that ask a child to do something like, “Could you please out the crayons back in the drawer now?” Additionally, stay away from directions that make it unclear who is expected to perform the action such as, “Let’s put the crayons back in the drawer,” or “We’re going to put the crayons away now.” In these statements, it is unclear if the task will be a joint effort between you and the child. Also, instructions that begin with question words or words like “let’s” or “we” imply a suggestion or choice rather than something that is non-negotiable.
  1. Make your command positively-stated and specific. Make sure your command tells your child what to do, and avoid telling them what not to do. If you give an instruction by telling her what you don’t want, how does she know what you are expecting her to do? Going back to the crayon example, I did not say, “Please, stop coloring” or “Don’t color anymore pictures.” Negative statements can lower your child’s self-esteem, and also increase negativity in your parent-child relationship. Additionally, do you want your child to just stop coloring? No, you want her to clean up and get ready for dinner. Think about what it is that you want your child to Be specific and positive in your phrasing.
  1. Only tell your child to do one thing at a time. When you give instructions that have multiple parts, and a child only obeys a portion of what you tell her, it is hard to know if the child forgot or if she is deliberately disobeying. To prevent this problem, give only one instruction at a time. If you want your child to put away the crayons and then set the table, first give one command about the crayons. Then, after she obeys, give a second command about putting the silverware on the table. This way you’ll avoid having to deliberate about how to follow through if your child only does part of your two-part command.
  1. Give your command in a normal, neutral tone of voice. Teach your child that all commands are expected to be followed. By teaching your child that polite commands are optional or can be ignored, you will stay away from teaching her only to obey instructions when you use raise your voice. Further, instructions given in an angry tone lead to unpleasant interactions. Keep in mind that as your emotions rise, it becomes more difficult to think and act clearly, which can lead to less consistency and ultimately ineffective commands.
  1. After you give a command, avoid speaking and watch and wait. Be ready to give a warning and to then follow up with a consequence. If you give a command and don’t watch and wait for it to be completed, you are essentially telling your child that you do not expect it to be done. If after some waiting, the child doesn’t obey, reinforce your command by giving a warning “If you do not put the crayons in the drawer, then you will not be able to play with them tomorrow,” or “If you do not put the crayons in the drawer, then you will not get dessert tonight.” After the warning, watch and wait once more. Then, follow through with your consequence if your child does not do what you told her to do. Avoid saying anything else, including answering questions or negotiating, until after your child has obeyed or the consequence has been delivered. Say your warnings and consequences with as few words as possible. If you give into negotiating or changing your consequence, you have taught your child that you do not mean what you say. You have also started the cycle of making your commands less effective.

Consistency is key to teach your child to obey your commands. Remember, once you say an instruction, show your child you mean it by following through!

Consistency: The Key to Discipline

Written by Regine Galanti

Discipline. It’s a topic on every parent’s mind – what’s the best way to get my child to listen? To obey? To become a healthy adult with self-control? How does a parent raise these obedient, independent, self-disciplined children without using excessive punishment, control, or other methods that might hurt my child’s self esteem, or our relationship?

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