Category: Wellbeing

Holiday Self-Care

By Laura Vraney, PsyD

While the Spring holiday season ushers in nicer weather and rays of optimism, there is no question that it also brings about anxiety. At times, we may become so distracted by the to-do list, both leading up to and during the holiday time that we forget to appreciate and enjoy the festivities. Additionally, other stressors often surface preventing us from enjoying the holidays; for instance, many celebrate the holiday with family members who are hypercritical; others are reminded of loved ones who have passed away, and some are navigating transitions that do not allow for certain family members to be present. Well, you are in luck! Whether the holidays are usually a joyous time or a stressful one (or both!), here are three self-care strategies you can utilize to ensure a more cheerful and relaxing holiday.

  1. First and foremost, acknowledge and validate your feelings with minimal self-judgment. You may have anxiety or stress or sadness or anger or other feelings. If you pretend to be “fine,” especially to yourself, then either you will repress your feelings only to “explode” at a later time OR your feelings may manifest in disguised ways, for instance, a loss of appetite or passive-aggressive behavior. Neither of those routes is productive. While it may feel selfish, you need to be kind to yourself. Rule of thumb – support your own emotions just how you would support a friend or loved one when they are feeling anxiety and/or stress.
  2. In order to feel a greater sense of control, here are some basic behavioral strategies you can implement. Write a list of everything that needs to get done in the days to come – spend as much time as you need getting everything organized. Prioritize in a daily planner your responsibilities based on the day, required preparation time, and deadlines. If you are someone who struggles with other aspects of the holidays (e.g., family gatherings), know your warning signs when feeling overwhelmed. These may include a shift in your mood, increased heart rate, or loss of appetite. Whether the former and/or later, give yourself permission to take 10-15 minutes alone to refresh. Find things that are self-soothing, such as journaling, listening to music, or stepping outside for a short walk. Also, please make sure you are eating well-balanced meals and getting adequate sleep both during the holidays and in general. We are more vulnerable to stress and anxiety when we are “emotionally eating,” skipping meals, and/or sleep deprived.
  3. Let us not forget why holidays are so special! Research has found that taking the time for gratitude can facilitate neurobiological changes that protect us from stress, anxiety, and depression. Especially when one is preoccupied with planning or overwhelmed by other holiday activities, it is not abnormal to be disconnected from the meaning of the holidays. So, give yourself the freedom and space to appreciate the good in your life over the holidays. A way to do this is by slowing yourself down to acknowledge three wonderful things in your life and contemplating them for a full 60-seconds each. Whether in a state of distress or not, there is no better time to appreciate and adopt an attitude of gratitude!

Mind’full’ Eating

By Talia Kaplan, PsyD

Mindfulness is the practice of living and being in the present. For people with anxiety, this is an especially important tool to use. It helps a person focus on what they are experiencing in the present moment rather than focus on everything that may happen in the future. While anxiety can make the world feel like a vast forest with unknown danger in every corner, mindfulness helps a person take one step and see whether there is danger on the single spot they occupy.

One of the best ways to practice mindfulness is through eating. We often eat so quickly or “mindlessly” that if anyone asked you what you ate five minutes ago you would be hard-pressed to answer.

We’ve all been there, it happens morning, afternoon and evening. In the morning you’re trying to get the kids out of the house while making sure you have your bag packed for work, so you take a bite of last night’s dessert as you’re running out the door and call it breakfast. During the afternoon you made sure to schedule a lunch break at work but you were called in for a last minute meeting so you try and scarf down your lunch in between your office and the conference room. Dinner may have started with the best intentions but you often find yourself watching the television as your bowl of soup disappears into your stomach.

So how do you eat mindfully? The answer lies in our five senses.

  1. Sight – look at the food you are eating. What do you notice about its appearance? Have you always noticed the bright colors of your fruit? What sticks out to you about the shape?
  2. Touch – What do you notice about the texture of your food? What does it feel like in your hand? What does it feel like in your mouth? Do you notice how the texture changes at different points in your mouth?
  3. Sound – As your chewing your food what sounds do you hear? Is there sound the food makes when you pick it up?
  4. Smell – Before putting the food in your mouth take a moment to smell it. What smells do you notice?
  5. Taste – Taste can be complex and different. Notice the various tastes you are experiencing. Channel your inner “foodie” as you pay attention to the hints of taste in your food.

Eating mindfully can help give a person an appreciation for the present in a way that they rarely experience. The powerful senses pull a person’s mind away from what MAY happen, to what IS happening right now.

While this may seem like a lot, it doesn’t have to be. A person can start out by just dedicating one minute of a meal to paying attention to their food. You may notice that a food you never liked actually has some very redeeming qualities. They may also notice that their favorite soda is actually too sweet for their taste. Either way, it can easily allow you to appreciate the moment you are living in, appreciate the food that is sustaining you, and slow down your life by just one bite.

How to Conquer Difficult Emotions with Dialectical Behavior Therapy

By Aliza Dinerstein, LMSW

Throughout life individuals encounter a kaleidoscope of experiences,
each one eliciting a specific emotional reaction ranging from joy,
love and hope, to anxiety, anger, or fear. Although one instinctively
strives to increase positive feelings and decrease negative ones, it
is important to remember that, at times, encountering painful emotions
is an inevitable part of life. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a
composite of therapeutic interventions geared toward helping
individuals build a life worth living, focuses on the science of
‘emotion regulation,’ i.e., one’s capacity to work through difficult
emotions in an effective way. DBT provides concrete, empirically based
practices such as building awareness, mindfulness skills, and specific
behavioral change that can be utilized in day to day life, helping
individuals approach challenging emotions in constructive and
rewarding ways.

The first step is to increase emotional awareness. Oftentimes, strong
emotional reactions occur and individuals are unable to identify their
own emotions or recognize their impact on thoughts and actions.
Therefore, one of the most fundamental tools in responding effectively
to difficult feelings is learning to identify and label present
emotions as they arise, while gaining an understanding of how those
feelings work in conjunction with one’s thoughts and behaviors.
Emotional awareness is developed through monitoring five specific
elements: 1) events that trigger emotional responses, 2) one’s
thoughts and cognitive interpretations of these event, 3)
physiological reactions and bodily sensations, 4) behavioral response
(i.e., actions), and 5) most important, the outcome of one’s
emotional, cognitive and behavioral responses – also known as
“effectiveness”. Building emotional awareness is a skill that takes
time and practice to acquire through the use of daily monitoring. But
this is the foundation of DBT, as it enables us to develop emotional
mastery and regulation.

Another core concept in DBT is to grant yourself the freedom to feel.
Usually, people try to avoid painful feelings such as anger, sadness,
fear and anxiety. However, inhibiting these emotions does not make
them disappear and in fact it usually makes them worse. Thus, DBT
emphasizes the importance of “mindfulness” which involves truly
experiencing emotions instead of blocking, suppressing, or avoiding
them. In mindfulness practice, emotions are understood as waves that
naturally rise and fall. When we allow our emotions to operate
naturally, the intensity of the feelings are minimized and we can move
through strong emotional responses in a more healthy and integrative
way. A related DBT concept is that one should aim to radically accept
each emotion without judgement. Mindful awareness is a key element for
truly allowing one’s self to feel, and mindfulness practice enables
us to work through emotions with mindfulness, presence, and
acceptance.

A third key DBT principal is learning to take care of the body in
order to take of the mind. Our capacity to cope with challenges in
moments of adversity is impacted not only by one’s emotional health,
but also by the condition of one’s physical wellbeing. DBT’s  emotion
regulation ‘PLEASE’ skill encapsulates these very dimensions of
physiology, which include 1) treating any existing Physical iLlness,
2) maintaining balanced Eating, 3) avoiding mood Altering drugs, 4)
creating healthy Sleep habits, and 5) engaging in regular Exercise.
Although these targets may seem simplistic, research shows that the
more one decreases physical and environmental stressors, the less
prone to emotional reactivity one becomes.

Although experiencing painful emotions is unavoidable over the course
of life, it does not mean that anyone must suffer through them. These
and other principals of DBT explain that one can change maladaptive
behavioral, emotional, and cognitive responses while mindfully
experiencing life in the present and accepting reality as it is. This
understanding, coupled with the skills that DBT provides, can help us
cultivate awareness, acceptance, resilience, and growth.